|Anyhow, I was going through three bins labelled maternity, that I’ve been keeping around for the past few years. It it turned out that one was a mix of jeans I used to wear in university, and around the time I got married, you know pre-pregnancy jeans. I am in no-way a pack-rat; I consider myself very unsentimental when it comes to material things, ruthless even when it comes to purging. I have no idea how this bin stayed around for so long. I’ve literally run 10k races and then given the medal to my kids or put it right into a donation pile because I know I won’t think about it again once it’s out of my sight. I decided this weekend that there’s no point in keeping these bins of skinny jeans around hoping one day I’ll fit back into them. Whatever fits me now stays. Whatever doesn’t goes. Zero attachment.
I tried on around ten pairs of jeans of varying sizes and styles. Overall it was super entertaining to see the type of things I used to wear. What really struck me though, is how much I used to value my smallness. I totally used to have a number on the scale that mattered to me, and I thought staying at that number would make me happy or good enough or worthy or confident. It didn’t. Fluctuating a couple of pounds in either direction sent me into an emotional tailspin, which I now know isn’t a good use of of my energy. It was exhausting. Today I work hard to be the opposite of small, and it’s a constant wok in progress, every. single.day. Strength training has changed my mindset around my size immensely. It’s gratifying just to learn a new skill that I’ve practiced (and failed) hundreds of times before. I work hard to play big, think big and show up in my world, never trying to shrink or be less physically or emotionally.
Truthfully, I had a good laugh trying to fit my strong legs and glutes into some of these pants (cellulite and all). A couple of pairs were 3 – 4 inches away from zipping up – not even close. 10 – 15 years and 15 pounds later, having relationships makes me happy, being part of a community, having a purpose, being able to move my body and challenge myself, those are the things that make me happy. Fitting my body into a tiny pair of (outdated) jeans does not make happiness. I’ve worked hard to allow myself to realize that I deserve to be secure in my body as-is, and I believe we all deserve that. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have goals. Goals are totally fine, but you can’t hate and obsess yourself to your goals. All you can do is show up in your world day after day and take action, no matter how small.
Last week my friend Fabienne Marier of Wholly Fabi asked me, and some pretty kick ass fitness professionals to share our AHA! moments when we stopped looking at our bodies as adversaries and instead as allies. I loved reading these stories so I want to share them with you too: 13 Female FitPros Share their AHA! Body Moments.
I hope these will resonate and perhaps bring you closer towards your own AHA! moment.
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